Mom Has A New Nickname.

I have taken to calling Mom Jeffy. At first she seemed okay with this new nickname. But then when I told her the origins of the name Jeffy, she yelled at me.

Mom: I AINT NO FAMILY CIRCUS FAG. SHUT YOUR BULLSHIT.

Mom Asks About Paris Hilton.

Mom recently asked me what Paris Hilton does for a living. I told her that she basically does nothing. Mom responded with her beliefs.

Mom: WELL GIVING BLOWJOBS CAN GET YOU A LIVING SO SHE MUST DO SOMETHING.

Mom Threatens The Cat.

Mom: THAT CAT IS SO GODDAMN LUCKY I HAVE NOT PUT OUT A CIGARETTE ON IT. BUT I AM ABOUT TO.
Me: Why?
Mom: BECAUSE SHE HAS STCS.
Me: What?
Mom: SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED CAT SLUTS.