Mom Gets Confused.

Being that I enjoy bunnies, I own a pair of bunny ears that I like to wear around. One day Mom was sitting outside so I decided to put the bunny ears on her. She smiled and I left the room.

Roughly two hours later, she storms into my bedroom and the following exchange occurs.

Mom: WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE?! (She is pointing at the bunny ears on her head. She has been wearing them for the whole two hours).
Me: Bunny ears.
Mom: WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?!

Mom Has A Problem With Hemmrhoids.

I was waiting for my mom to pick me up at the local movie theatre one evening. It was a nice night so I decided to wait outside for her. I sat myself on the concrete for a few minutes. Suddenly her car pulled up and with that started an insane rant.

Mom: HEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY GET OFF THE CONCRETE! IF YOU SIT ON CONCRETE TOO LONG YOU WILL GET HEMMRHOIDS AND I DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR THOSE FUCKERS AT THE DOCTOR!

Mom Thinks She Owes Me Money.

Mom: I DON'T OWE YOU ANY MONEY, RIGHT?!
Me: No.
Mom: GOOD. BECAUSE LIKE, IF YOU WERE WITH AN ITALIAN DUDE, AND I OWED YOU MONEY, I WOULD OWE INTEREST! THEN WHEN I DIDN'T PAY UP, I WOULD LOSE SOME FUCKING LIMBS AND THAT WOULD FUCKING SUCK.
Me: What?
Mom: ITALIANS!